


Not Everybody Wants to Rule the World

by misura



Category: GUY.exe - Superfruit (Music Video), Genghis Khan - Miike Snow (Music Video)
Genre: Gen, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-17 17:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: A typical phone conversation between friends.





	Not Everybody Wants to Rule the World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeadlyWeiss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyWeiss/gifts).



> video links: Superfruit's [GUY.exe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Kh_XMIDPU)  
> Miike Snow's [Genghis Khan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_SlAzsXa7E)

"Because I _don't_ want to rule the world," M said. Vile slander suggested it stood fro Mad; Loyal Henchwoman #3 whose name he couldn't be bothered to remember imagined it stood for Medical Benefits Included in This Job, which he couldn't even. (As if. Vile slander had no idea.)

He gestured to Loyal Henchwoman #1 - three years on the job and not a single moment of attempted backstabbery or suggested sabotage; if only she'd been a guy, he'd be tempted to propose marriage. As it was, she'd have to be content with the position of Best Man at the wedding.

"All I want is to find a cute guy and settle down. Is that so much to ask?"

Gold spouted the usual nonsense - 'you owe it to your genius', 'world's not going to rule itself', 'with great power comes the responsibility to commit great evil' and, of course, the old, tired favorite 'don't you want to move out of your mother's basement one of these days?', which M would have considered an indication of a shocking lack of appreciation for maternal affection, except that Gold had been orphaned at a young and tender age as part of his origin story, so it really was the system's fault.

M put up with it for a while, as he felt best friends ought to, making a few 'uh-huh' and 'yeah, sure' and 'absolutely, I'll get on it ASAP' noises along the way while Loyal Henchwoman #2 made them all a nice cuppa tea.

Gold was winding down. He probably had an experiment of his own going, which meant it was time to play the 'Why Secret Agents All Suck and I Particularly Hate This One Guy Who Keeps Ruining My Day by Making Me Think of Happy Things Like Snuggles and Rainbows and Synchronized Dancing' game. M always won on points. Unlike _some_ people, M wasn't afraid of his own feelings.

Of course, also unlike some people, M didn't have any cute, sexy secret agents performing awkward courtship rituals by making his stuff explode and ruining all his plans. Which might be a good thing, considering the overhead, but the heart wanted what the heart wanted.

Henchman #4 handed around a tin of home-made cookies. M took two, by way of proving he was, indeed, a mad and evil scientist. It was all in the little things.

"Right," M said, once he'd swallowed. (There was evil, and then there was bad, like talking with your mouth full.) "So, end of the world, Saturday next weekend - oh, sorry, _this_ Saturday? Are you sure? I'd made plans."

Henchwoman #7, who was new, looked alarmed. Henchwoman #2 poured her another cuppa tea to calm her down. Henchman #4 hesitantly started passing the tin of cookies around again, which M put a stop to pronto, because Mom had invited them all for dinner tonight, and if nobody asked for seconds, it would hurt her feelings.

Besides, they were great cookies, and being evil meant not having to share.

"Well, yes, I'm sure _you'd_ made plans as well," M said, trying to sound soothing. "I'm just saying, I don't let my plans to find true love interfere with yours, do I? Because we're friends, and that's what friends do. It's called being considerate."

Gold stayed unusually quiet.

"Hello? Hello?" M sighed, then decided to be generous and assume Gold's Secret Agent Guy had taken down communications as part of his 'Look at Me, I'm Blowing Up Your Stuff Where in Fact, I Would Much Rather Be Blowing Up Balloon Animals to Entertain Your Adorable Children' mission.

"Friends, eh?" he told Henchwoman #1. "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

M supposed that was the one thing separating them from henchpeople: living with his loyal henchpeople was _great_. It gave Mom a few extra helping hands around the house, too.

"All right, people, break's over. Let's get back to work. My perfect boyfriend's not going to program itself."


End file.
